adventures in awesomeness…

Do Your Morals Need Supporting?

My audition was at 7:40pm and I needed to arrive 15 minutes early. If the drive was 50 minutes without traffic, what time would Ruby and I need to leave her house in order to stop by Ikea on the way?

Yeah, we had plans to eat dinner (at home) too, but everything kind of went out the window because we decided to stop by Lucky’s to stock up on $2 wine, vodka, whiskey, mixers and two oranges, because, well, oranges are good. I also needed a folder for my head shots, resume, and bio. Albertson’s school supply section sucked balls, so we headed to Ross. Little did I know that I would run into an old flame.

Twilight boys. I get older, they stay the same age. Yes, they do, yes they do.

We decided to leave Ross before I became the proud owner of a life-size Team Jacob poster. For those just dying to know, I found the folder at the mail box store next door. The only neat story there was that I got a free mint. Nice.

Now armed with booze, binders, and oranges, we returned to Ruby’s to get ready for my audition. I gave Ruby a preview and got a standing ovation from Columbo. We were on the road a little later than planned, but got lucky with traffic and arrived at Mission City Opera in one piece. I was blown away with how friendly everyone was. Seriously, every single person who was working that night was super-friendly and welcoming. Also, they called me Jessie, which made me feel at home.

Waiting for my number to be called.

When they found out that Ruby wasn’t a singer (“You mean you’re a nothing? A zilch? A zero?”), one man tried recruiting Ruby to be on crew. After complaining that being on crew sounded like a lot of work, Ruby explained that she was here as my moral support. The man looked at me and asked (quite seriously, I might add), “So your morals need supporting?” I couldn’t keep a straight face. Even Ruby stopped texting for a moment to snicker. Because, as you, my dear readers, already know, my morals need much supporting, as often as they can get it.

I have a thing for photos of me trying to keep a straight face.

I went on shortly after that (sandwiched between two SFCM school mates) and sang La Canzone di Doretta, from La Rondine (Puccini). I know they weren’t doing any Puccini this season, but every time I hear the opening of the song, I feel happy and relaxed, so I figured what a better state to sing in than happy and relaxed. My two high notes (which were glorious for Columbo), were a bit  tired and not quite as brilliant as I would have hoped. She didn’t ask for a second song, and I was starting to feel a bit down, when she began asking me about my time away and coachings. Interesting. I was rusty, but not forgotten. Whew. As we left, the girl at the front desk asked me to wait, and a woman came out and asked if I would do ensemble. Heck yeah, I would. It’s been three years since I’ve sung. No lessons, no coachings. Just babies and playing around occasionally. No time to be snobby. Besides, I could learn all the roles while in the ensemble, build relationships with bay area singers and MCO. Win. Win. Whoo-hoo!

Ruby and I were amped on the ride home. We talked about the audition, the future, and (of course) what we would be singing at karaoke.  Weezer, Bohemian Rhapsody, and Franz Ferdinand.


It’s My Scientific Speciality.

I woke up Tuesday morning tired. I should have slept in, but I had a laundry list of stuff I needed to get done before my audition that night, so off I went into the wonderful world that is San Francisco. I managed to get most everything done before I grabbed Ruby for lunch. We hit the usual spot, Louis’, for lunch.

A man with 17 children works here. He’s taking applications to make more.

It was pretty crowded so we opted to sit at the bar. As we waited for our food, Ruby noticed something, well, um, odd, about the guy sitting next to me. Using our super sleuth skills, we managed to capture our discoveries on film to share with you, dear reader.

Not the usual, Bob. Today, I’ll take that pie ala mode. I’m going rogue.

As if my choice of literature wasn’t enough of a suggestion…

Oh. Well, hello there. Don’t you stick out like a batman at a pre-med party. But that wasn’t all. As he got up to poop, (I am sure of it) we saw that he had a cast on one foot, and on the other, he wore this:

The ultimate in fashion footwear for the gun-slinging rogue.

We have since come to the conclusion that he is a closet gay who has been drawn to the city. However, he can’t help but flaunt his Republican-ness to hide the fact that he needs warm, man-arms badly. (Mmm, man-arms.) Using his Sarah Palin book as fodder, he baits himself in hopes of striking up a feisty argument, culminating, of course, with hot, gay sex. Ah, reading people… it’s my scientific specialty.

15 people agree that The Neverending Story was one of the most awesome things about 1984.



And with out further ado… your Friday Five!!

Leaving San Francisco
Getting home in one piece

Re-sleep training Jaxon
Nap time!

The Kensington house
$1500 for Gay Pariee!!

Feeling dumb
Finishing my short story!

Saying goodbye…
Saying hello… to Paris, Edinburgh, London, and seeing Les Miserables!! What? What! Yes! Jessie and Ruby in the HIZZIE!!!

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It’s Always Sunny in SF. ALWAYS!



I Gave Some.

So most people brag about “getting some”. I get to brag about giving some. To Ruby. In the Ross handicap dressing room. She loved it. This is how it went down:

We went to Ross looking for a new dog dish, because Mylo broke the last one (sigh). I got hung up on $8 swim suits and blue jeans so we ended up dog piled in the handicap dressing room. I was trying on clothes, Ruby was texting and wrangling babies, and the babies were eating things and causing general chaos. I tried on a bunch of suits. They needed to have a tie on the sides because I puddle around the middle. If the bottoms are too tight  then its like roll city, but if the bottoms are too big then everyone will get a big old wad of va-jay when I get smacked by the first big wave. So nothing really worked (I guess that’s what I get for trying to buy an $8 suit). I’m getting dressed, Ruby is texting and keeping the boys from eating size tags, and the boys are causing general chaos when something sticks to my hand. Without thinking I slapped it on Ruby’s hand and said “Happy Birthday, here’s some vagina.” Ruby looked down stunned. There was a bathing suit pantyliner stuck to the back of her hand. She screamed. Ruby tried to shake it off, I laughed uncontrollably and the kids were all over the place, still eating stuff and still causing general chaos. I told Ruby that I didn’t use that panty liner, which made her (understandably)  more upset. Strange Vagina. Nice. And she was worried about the boys eating size tags and getting germs. Hehehe.

And since I have nothing more to blog about (there is a spoon with ice cream on it calling my name slow-dancing with a half finished glass of wine), I will leave you with a bunch of pictures Ruby took.

Man, it’s good to be back in SF.

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Suite Jesus in San Francisco (day three)

Although Jaxon kept us up all night by crying every two hours (on the dot from Midnight to 6am), we all woke up and got an early start on the day. We planned for breakfast at Denny’s and then we’d head into the city to pick up Matt’s art work, and then go to the pumpkin patch in San Rafael to get a pumpkin for Jaxon. After a lovely and perfect temperature drive El Camino Real, we found an IHOP. However, Jaxon passed out just as we were parking, so we decided to just to keep on driving (since our gas mileage in the Prius is so totally awesome) and ended up in Novato at the pumpkin patch. Jaxon woke up just after we ate and had a blast riding around in a red wagon and pushing a little lawn mower.

We decided to head down to 111 Minna early to grab Matt’s art. Good thing we did! Turns out that after Matt left the night before, nine pieces of art sold. One that was sold was later stolen. In a weird way it’s rather flattering that someone wants your stuff enough to steal it.  He was invited back to do another show. We packed up the remaining art drove to the Galleria for a celebratory lunch at the Olive Garden. It was another delightful experience. Jaxon was in the best of moods, our waitress was super friendly, and we had an excellent booth, excellent food, and 3 Andes candies came with our bill!!

After-lunch naps, Barnes & Noble…. a relaxing end to a perfect day. Matt and I enjoyed each other’s company, hanging out on the bed reading books until we fell asleep in each other’s arms.  And yes, it was that romantic in my mind… until I woke up at 2am to make sure Matt had his mouth piece in by poking him in the teeth, which I don’t think he liked so much.

Sunday we pack up and drove home. It sucked. We ate terrible food (well it tasted good, it was just bad for us.) Jaxon cried a lot and slept a little. However, 9 hours later we pulled into the driveway on Kensington and were glad to be home.

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Suite Jesus in San Francisco (day two)

I woke up Friday tired. Jaxon slept with us the night before and he likes to sleep diagonally. We headed to 111 Minna to hang Matt’s art. He said it would only take an hour. Yay, because I wanted to do a bit of shopping and spend some time with the family. Well it took like 4 hours. I took off to avoid the weirdo guy flirting with a pregnant me. Jaxon peed all over the Bloomingdale’s bathroom (and of course I had no change of clothes – bad mother!) The Gap had no clothes and the sales associates were really annoying and not helpful. Up Powell street, H&M didn’t have the shirt I needed (their basic black tee!!!) and Lush was all out of their face mask. I didn’t get Atonement from Borders because by this time, no-nap Jaxon was pretty much pitching a fit every time we stopped so I grabbed a pretzel from a street vendor and trekked back down to the art gallery. Jaxon passed out on the way so I stopped for a few minutes at the Jewish Museum to finish my pretzel and watch some lady dance around in leg warmers and then take pictures of herself. If I hadn’t been so tired and cranky, it would have been hilarious!

Matt was finishing up as we arrived. My mood was pretty terrible by that time, so we didn’t make it to Borders. Matt was pretty freaked out about going to the art show alone (I was supposed to chill at the hotel with Sara because I didn’t feel like being the fat, pregnant lady at the club) so he talked Sara into baby sitting for us. But my mood was so terrible, that at the last minute we canceled and I ended up at home with Atonement (yay) and a burger from BJs. Life was starting to look up again. I took a bath, Matt went to the gallery alone, and Jaxon finally went to sleep on time. It was nice to get a bunch of texts from Matt and although nothing sold =( everyone LOVED his art and flocked around it all night.

Update: After Matt left the show, a ton of his work sold. One that was sold was later stolen. In a weird way it’s rather flattering that someone wants your stuff enough to steal it.

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Suite Jesus in San Francisco (day one)

Matt showed his work in the Suite Jesus art show at 111 Minna Gallery last Friday night in San Francisco, so we decided to make a mini vacation out of it before baby Milo arrived. Solidifying things was a nightmare. Matt needed a way to display his digital art. As his collection grew, we had to forgo flying up to SF. We still needed a sitter for Jaxon – the gallery was also a bar, not a place for babies. And who would keep the dogs while we were gone?

Two days before our departure date, everything fell into place. Alamo rented us a mid-size car (complete with Southwest points!) for under $100. Our vet recommended Fon-Jon Dog Kennel for Bea and Wally – who’d be able to sleep in the same room for 10% off the price. And sold us a 4-star room at the Hyatt for $90, saving us from a possible run in with bed bugs.Fabulous! We loaded up the car and were on the road by 10am. The boys slept all the way through LA, making for a whine-free drive. =) We stopped outside of Tejon Ranch, stretched our legs, and had Subway and coffee. Jaxon ate applesauce and sweet potatoes. Life was good. Since we had upgraded our car to a Prius (it was so bad ass with it’s rear view camera and AWESOME MPG) we didn’t have to fuel up until about half way through the trip. The hours flew by asMatt and I discussed NLP, the election, some crazy brilliant guy, and Tony Robbins. After a crazy bathroom emergency (I won’t go into details) we pulled up at the Hyatt Regency:
View from the 5th Floor Terrace. FABULOUS!!!
We parked (had another bathroom emergency) and unloaded the car. We were pretty much dead tired, but we met up with Ruby & Sara and decided to eat across the street at Sizzler.

Prego me with Sara and Ruby in the hotel room.

The food was gross and bland. Jaxon was cranky, plus I forgot to put a new shirt on him so he was wearing a jogging suit looking like some kind of gigolo. But it was the only time Ruby could see Jax so we just sucked it up and enjoyed the fact that Sara didn’t mind chasing a wild one year old around the restaurant!
After some chatting time with the girls (discussing details about our SPA WEEKEND!!) I crashed with my sexy husband in our fabulous Hyatt bed (complete with white duvet sheets!)

Oh how I’ve missed you SF!!

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Ruby Time!

Usually when Ruby comes to town we either sit around with the baby watching hours upon hours of Heros and Arrested Development, playing SceneIt, or shopping (although we’re both not working at the moment…), but this time we did lots of fun stuff.

First up, karaoke! With Matt home with baby Jaxon, Ruby and I headed down to the city near my old stomping ground for some karaoke with Ruby’s man, Jeremy. We “pre-partied” in the Yaris while waiting for Jeremy and came in contact with Jeremy’s old Chinese Man look-a-like. I also found some strange looking clowns. The place was pretty empty and since the bartender had a crush on Jeremy and his brother, we got free shots of tequila! After some strong drinks and some penis drawings, we got down to business with some karaoke singing. Ruby actually sang every song! I rocked the house with some Third-Eye Blind, Tainted Love, Journey (I’ve always wanted to sing ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ ever since Peter and the guys did it on Family Guy!), and Bohemian Rhapsody. Too much fun!! It was very nice to get out! Once the boys get over their colds, it will be on again!

Then, Winter Wine Land. Well actually we didn’t do any wine tasting, but we did drive up to Santa Rosa for a few drinks with Kim, Sara and the gang. I had a delicious $7.75 / glass of Seghesio Zinfandel. Smooth but not too sweet. Delicious! I do wish Matt could have been there, alas, no babies allowed at the Flamingo Lounge (with a $10 cover!!) I skipped out on dinner at Willi’s Wine Bar (I heard they ate bone marrow!! Grody!!), but it was good holiday fun.

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Between Holidays

It’s that time between Christmas and New Years where you decided when to toss the Christmas tree, return or re-gift bad Christmas presents, and shop at Target for markdowns on holiday gear. Matt, Jax and I had planned to spend Christmas in San Diego, but because it was “too cold” we departed abruptly back to San Rafael. While I didn’t get to see everyone, we did manage to sneak in a night of Scene-It, Karaoke, and even a trip to Costco. It was pretty fun.

Christmas at home was nice because I didn’t have to change out of the bathrobe my mom got me for three days. Hurray for not showering. Just Kidding. I’m pretty sure I showered. Matt set up a scavenger hunt for my Christmas gift, which ended in a shopping spree in the city. After hitting Nordstroms, Bloomies, and a bunch of high price boutique stores, I spent half of my Christmas present at H&M. Score for buying the black blazer for 50% off what I was going to spend back with Ruby at the beginning of December!!

Matt’s parents came into town Sunday, so we spent all afternoon cleaning like mad. Our bedroom was a mess (which I still haven’t totally tackled). I instantly fell in love with Matt’s parents. They are great. We spent all night looking at baby pictures of Matt and hearing childhood stories.

After a wild New Year’s, we spent the next couple of days recuperating. We did make it down to San Francisco before Matt’s parents left on Thursday and hit some classic SF sites, including Giant Robot (Matt’s pick – obviously), Haight & Ashbury, Chinatown (including the crazily populated Stockton Street), Fisherman’s Wharf, the Embarcadero, and North Beach, where we ate at the always good Mona Lisa.

All in all it was a good vacation – although a very busy one. Check out the photos here!

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