adventures in awesomeness…

Eff Tea. Real Americans Drink Coffee.

Lots of it. Usually from overpriced coffee shops. Unless you’re broke and trying to diet. Like me. Friking scones.

This morning I want to shoot myself in the head as usual. Jaxon crawled in bed around 5am alternating between whining and whispering to watch Dora & Boots. As soon as he fell asleep (sideways so that I have NO room and am cramped between him and Matt) Mylo runs into the room yelling and throwing things at my face. Thanks to my ninja-like skills I am able to stealthily crawl from bed without waking anyone up. I wake up with some Foldgers (shove it, coffee snobs, Folgers is just as good as anything else once you’ve added enough Coffee Mate peppermint mocha to make the color look like me after a San Francisco summer) and remember that I am supposed to Zumba at 8:30. Damn. I really wanted to sit in my bathroom and watch Prince of Persia. Sidenote: I don’t care who said it was bad, I can’t get enough of Jake and his doggish grin. Mmmm.

By some miracle I make it out of the house with two fed, watered, teeth (and hair!) brushed boys and get to the gym. I don’t feel like Zumba-ing. Really, I don’t feel like having to salsa with a partner for THREE minutes while being forced to make uncomfortable small talk. The class would be awesome aside from that painful three minutes. So I hit the treadmill instead and pump up the Phoenix, grabbing a People magazine and the Time magazine because of the tea-cup on the cover. I don’t know what possessed me to read the Time Magazine first, but it not only took up my entire 50 minutes, it filled me with a rage so red that I almost wanted to join the Army and move up to the top, winning the heart of my troops, so I could then stage a military coup, bombard myself in the Oval Office, and fix our country. On second though, let’s join the Marines. Mmmm…. TJ. (That’s Tijuana for all of you not in the know.)

So, you ask, what could send me – a normally sane and level-headed girl (hah!) – into a spiraling case of the Mean Reds? (And not Holly Golightly’s Mean Reds, but Joanne from the office’s Mean Reds.)

The Tea Party-ists.

Now, let’s get things straight: people are mad. They are angry. Where before they had jobs to pay for their houses, a TV, car, and savings so that their kids could go to school – now, they have nothing. They are pissed. And they should be! BUT. They are wooed by phantoms behind the Tea Party. The people paying for the 400 buses to bus people from all over the US to hear Glenn Beck. The people paying for the costumes and for Christine O’Donnell’s primary elections. The people behind the “tea party” movement who are using fed-up Americans to dismantle the health care bill, social security, medicare, and what?? EDUCATION??? Yes. They want to get rid of the Department of Education. Are. You. SERIOUS!?!


No. By getting your BA (or BS for the scientific inclined) you are not guaranteed to get a job that will make you loved by millions. You probably won’t create the next Facebook. BUT. But… you will be able to THINK. FOR. YOURSELF. Like Dastan’s brother Tus in Prince of Persia, despite listening to your council, you will follow your heart. And the people behind the Tea Party wants to take that away from you. They want to dismantle the government and replace everything with privately run institutions. Private institutions that are beholden to its majority shareholders and not the American People (unless with your jobless, broke-ass, you buy into said private institution where you’ll own Nth percent and have 0 power.)Why would you want to vote away your power? The Tea Party wants to make Americans stupid so that they are easily manipulated and can take over. But we won’t be a Mexico. No. They will give you enough so that you can have your car, your 3 bedroom house, and your Victoria’s Secret bras… just enough so you don’t feel angry enough to revolt. And education? Google’s squiggly lines can help us with anything we don’t know.

And why would someone you haven’t spoken to in months (and didn’t have a real relationship to begin with) write you out of the blue? Yes, Neil. You’ve made the blog. And have perplexed me more that you will know.


Happy Birthday Jaxon!

Three years ago today baby Jaxon popped out of my vagina and was born into the world (with a kick ass view of downtown San Francisco!) And he was so beautiful and I was so tired. I carried him around everywhere I went, even when I showered, and learned how to cook one handed. He had a massive head that he could barely lift, but bright and curious eyes, ready to take on the world.

And his first birthday passed, and his second, and now, three years later, he’s no longer the baby crawling along the floor or rolling in the dog bed. He is a little boy! Jumping down the stairs, building complex train tracks for Thomas and his friends, singing songs, biting his brother, and whispering to me that he needs Dora and Boots, or Ovaltine, or to pee-pee in the potty. He gives me hugs and kisses and tells me the thoughts on his mind. And then he crawls in the bed and snuggles up close with me, his cold feet tangled in mine.

Jaxon, I am so grateful to have you in my life. I love every minute I spend with you – even the bad ones. You are my first baby and I love you very, very much. Today is a day to celebrate! Happy Birthday!

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So it’s been forever and a day since I have blogged! Well I have seem to have destroyed almost every piece of electronic equipment that I come across so I basically unplugged and went crazy with my children. I also have occasionally been building train tracks. It’s soothing… almost like a massage followed by a deep tissue soak. But not really at all like that. But almost.

Anyhow, I digress. I had Panda Express with Matt for lunch and I think they need a sign that says “Warning: Only consume if you hate yourself.” Aaaand Zumba time!

I’ve had a gym membership since July and have only been once (to walk on the treadmill for 40 minutes). So I decided to cancel it and save $62 a month. Unfortunately, the YMCA decided to not cancel it and charge me for another month. Since I’ve been battling this 10-12 pounds (depending on the day) unsuccessfully, I made up my mind to give the gym another chance. I know I’m not going to have some miracle drastic weight loss but it’s 1 hour away from the demons that stole my children and 1 hour of not sitting in my house, bored, pulling my hair out, and contemplating who is going off the balcony first. (note: I’d never really throw anyone off the balcony because our car is parked below.)

I told my mom there was a step class at 8:30am and she agreed to come up and go with me for moral support. 8:42 we signed the kids into Kid’s Place and peeked into the class. That was not step aerobics. That was bootie shaking, hootie hollering Zumba. Zumba. Hmmm… I took a Zumba class once and I didn’t like it. I thought my mom would say no. But she looked at me then proceeded through the door.

That was the funnest 40 minutes I have had in a LOOOONG time. It was like going to a dance club at 8:30 in the morning, in comfy clothes and tennis shoes without having to worry about sweat ruining your sexy hair or smoldering eye make up. Some woman who looked like my mom kidnapped her from me when we had to pair up, but I befriended a girl who had the same hairstyle as me who let me know about another class later on in the week. I felt alive and energetic and my face wasn’t lined with stress and hate. It was glorious. And I got a decent work out too – like if I had been jogging for 30 minutes!

Bottom Line: Exercise gives you the strength to deal with babies.