adventures in awesomeness…

The Spanking.

So I know it’s pretty much criminal to spank your kids nowadays because spankings lead to serial killers, rapists, and tea-partists (or marxist-liberals, depending on your viewpoint).

However… I have found that the spanking (most importantly, the threat of a spanking) is in fact a very useful tool in my parental discipline belt. The first time I used spanking, it wasn’t effective at all. My eldest son laughed, then proceeded to thrust his butt into the air and patted his butt again. So, I went back to “No, no!” and just being a human barrier between Jaxon’s curious little fingers and whatever it was they wanted to get into. And I must say, it worked pretty well.

Until a few months ago, when my children were kidnapped by witches and replaced with changelings.

My sweet, well-behaved children.

Two wild and crazy imps, masquerading as children.

“No” was a joke and time out…? Oh you mean peek-a-boo with brother while Mama is trying to corral two little wild ones both into different corners? And then I lost it and spanked the babies. And I spanked them good. But while I felt better that they no longer thought that destroying the house was a game, it didn’t have a long-term effect. Plus, you really can’t wallop your kids in public because you get mad. Well you can, but who wants to risk someone reporting you to CPS? My kids aren’t that bad. So instead I give them a choice. They can do what I ask, or they can get a spanking. After getting a good swatting for running away up two flights of stairs, Little Mylo thought twice about getting up from bed.

Go to bed Little Mylo. He throws himself on the ground, screaming. Do you want a spanking? He says “No” in that oh-so adorable Mylo voice. Then get into your bed. One, twoooo… (two is always dragged out, just to give them a running chance) and before I could say three, he hopped up and scurried over to his bed and put his head on the pillow.

Yes! Me: 1, babies: 0

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Matt and I decided that we should keep a list of all  the strange/neat/amazing/bad things our kids are doing at the moment. Right now there seems to be a lot of them:

The Whisper: Jaxon is potty trained and (I believe) but is woken up by accidentally pee-peeing (as Liz would say, just a quarter size amount) in his underwear. He runs into my room (Mylo following, always) and then taps me on the shoulder. I look down at him and he whispers: Tee-tee ina pawdy. He also whispers for more Ovaltine. It’s a riot, when I can hear  / understand what he is saying. The shoulder tap adds a nice touch.

Jumping: I remember a few years ago we all got together at Stephanie’s house to go out in PB. While we were waiting, Stephanie’s oldest son was jumping from the end table to the couch. I was pretty much horrified. Fast forward 3 years and guess who’s jumping now? And it’s not just from the end table to the couch. Jaxon (and Mylo — the ringleader) are jumping off of couches, tables, and my favorite, the adult-waist-high dresser. Nice. Sometimes they’ll put a pillow down to ease the fall. Where did they even learn that!!??!! Can’t wait for that first trip to the emergency room.

Secret Songs: Mylo and Jaxon have this song. It’s not a real song and it’s not in a real language — because Mylo knows like 10 words and they all sound like “key” or “pizza” and Jaxon is just unintelligible — but they both know the words and the melody. Best part? It’s completely original. Mylo is also singing along to Dora’s Backpack song and knows the ABCs. It’s incredible how musical they are. I love, love, LOOOVE it!!!

Sharing, Kisses, and Hugs: So they fight most of the time. And these are knock out, drag down, choking fights over stupid things like a plastic spoon or Thomas the Train’s caboose. But other times, they are so loving and will just hug and hug and hug. And Jaxon will even kiss Mylo on the mouth (the most I get is the bowing of the head). Also, Jaxon is very fair when it comes to Mylo and always makes sure that Mylo has a turn when they are doing fun things, like being thrown up in  the air by Daddy.

The ‘Ottie: This is Mylo’s way of saying the potty. About a week ago, he got REALLY into wanting to use the potty. I was slightly annoyed at first, because he would push and push and then two drops would come out and then he’d get up and pee all over the dining room.  But a few days ago he starts tugging on his diaper and says “the ‘ottie!” and I almost tell him to keep his diaper on and then I realize — what am I thinking! I put him on the potty and out comes the biggest poop! Whooo!! Mylo starts clapping and peeking into the potty at his poop. Jaxon joins in on the fun by emptying the contents in the toilet. Now whenever Mylo says potty, I put in on — and fast. He can’t yet hold it — so I have a bout 20 seconds before showtime. He claps every time. It’s the most adorable thing ever.

Never Tall Enough: Our boys are still of puntable size and they don’t like that we can put things up out of their reach. So they have decided to take matters into their own hands with the chairs. There is always at least one chair in the kitchen. Some morning when I am fighting to wake up, Mylo will move a chair from the dining room into my bathroom — so he can eat toothpaste. Jaxon likes to use the chair to get on the counter and get the fruit snacks that are stashed way up on the top shelf. They’ll also use chairs (and step stools, over turned laundry baskets – with laundry, toy bins – after dumping out the toys for mama to clean up, of course) to get into just about everything. I’ll be glad the day I don’t have to move a chair out of the kitchen.

Macgyver: Jaxon likes to take things apart. Neat. But since he is a baby, he doesn’t know how to put them back together — and his “take-apart skills” aren’t exactly what we would call delicate. Luckily, the printer survived. The garage gate remote, however, didn’t.

There are so many more, but these are the first that came to mind. I can’t wait for the boys to read this some day. =) Hahaha.


Missing My Babies.

Day Five of Twenty.

We drove up to Humboldt to drop Columbo off with Ruby’s parents. After getting as much sleep as I could, we woke up to a great surprise: Baby Arthur! Ruby’s 5 month nephew. He is such a happy baby and pinches my arm just like Mylo does. I miss my own boys so much I just don’t know what to do sometimes. I almost wanted to come home after talking to Jaxon. Five days is five days too long. The video chats help, but it’s not the same.I don’t get to kiss them and hold them and have them crawling all over me. Only 15 days left. And that 15 days will include Paris!!!! (next time though, they’re coming with me!!!)

Day 5 of 20. Without by boys but still being attacked by bugs.

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WTF: Two Things…

Yay! It’s time for another WTF Wednesday. Today, two things caught my eye:

1. My mom has an incredible doily collection. Almost everything in her house rests on a doily. Per ejemplo… notice that the first photo has some double doily action going on (for the doily pervs among us). Be mindful that these NINE doilies are just the doilies in my mom’s Christmas-themed living room. I’m quite sure there are more lurking beneath potted plants and vases in other parts of the house.

1. My children are mess-making monsters. This photo of Mylo looks cute, but it was a nightmare to clean up. The only bigger nightmare was Jaxon’s mess. I like how he pretends to looked shocked, as if to say “Well, Mama, I don’t know who could have knocked over this can of green paint. Quel ‘orreur!

Hopefully these snapshots of my messy, doily-filled life will give you that chuckle I promised. Ciao tutti! (and that makes three I mean FOUR languages… BAM, suck it one language proficients. Hahaha!!)



I can’t believe the weekend is already half way over =(

I went up to Santa Ana for Kim’s Bridal shower today. I was the only person under 60 to NOT buy her lingerie. Even Chuckie’s mom got her a nice, modest, slinky thing. There must have been 5 boxes from Vickies…. and one from Fredrick’s. LOL, oh well. I knew she wanted the knives. It would have sucked to have gotten her something that wasn’t her style and then ended up in the closet. The shower was nice. Yummy cupcakes and coffee!!! I finally got to meet some of her co-workers I’ve heard so much about. Connie was really nice and lived in the same neighborhood as me for a while. Then she and Kim had this strange run around story (much like me and Stephanie) without ever meeting until they started working together. Strange how all of our lives were so close, yet so different… like a “Visit Mexico” ad. Anyhow, I didn’t feel at all awkward (as I thought I would) going some place where I didn’t know anyone except the hostess. No Matt or other buddy to lean on, LOL, but it wasn’t bad. I think it’s because I’ve been going to the gym on my own.

It’s been 4 weeks and going strong (average of 5 days/week). Before, I couldn’t go without Matt or my mom or a friend, and while it helps, it also hurts because if they don’t go, then you won’t go. But if you only have yourself to be accountable to, well… I’ve been going for 4 weeks now and I think that is something. Something awesome.

Starting Monday I’m going to focus on my eating. I’m just going to go cold turkey, hard core, 2 protein shakes and one meal. I think that, along with starting free weights at the gym, will really kick up the weight loss. I’m down 2.2 pounds and that is awesome, but if I don’t get back into healthy eating lifestyle, my weight loss will be extremely slow… and I cannot STAND the lump around my waistline. Like a deflated muffin top. Grody. My reward is buying some new sexy shoes for Kim’s wedding so I have to do good. I think I will.
Got to also get the kids on a sleep schedule that fits in with my workout routine. Jaxon is now only taking one nap (instead of no naps) but I don’t know what to do about Mylo. According to my book, Mylo should sleep right when my class starts. Ugh. He used to sleep in class, but not anymore. So hard…. anyhow, I’m going to get some shut eye. I have a TON of cleaning to do tomorrow. Fun. And two workouts!

Will check in soon to update on protein shake lifestyle. Wish me luck!!


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I’m Back!

So I realized that having babies means never having any privacy… at least when you live in a house where the doors don’t lock.I can’t even poop without company. I thought I could distract him with lunch, but nope, Jaxon busts through the door, chicken in hand, ready to play and go through all the drawers. He tries to unroll the toilet paper, shut the toilet lid on me, and went through all my make up and jewelry. Later on that evening I found that chicken nestled up next to one of my hair brushes. Gross.

I think having a toddler and a newborn is getting to me…. I’ve been so doped up Tylenol with codeine I don’t really know what’s going on.

5. Top Chef – Whoo!! Carla’s going to the finale!!
4. Hair extentions… long hair = fabulous!
3. Starbucks double tall foamy no-whip peppermint mocha… gets me through the day.
2. Washable couch cushions
1. Jaxon’s giggles and Mylo’s chirps

5. Bally’s no-babies under six months Kiddie Care
4. Sticky-butt poops
3. Dogs on the furniture… grrrh
2. Toothaches
1. Nights without my booble!

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