Jessielah!

adventures in awesomeness…

Juicy Salt

I’m half way through my 3-day Juice Fast — or cleanse, what ever sounds sexier. Yesterday was mostly good. I almost broke down while opening a brand-new ultra fresh package of lightly sweetened Multi-Grain Cheerios, but managed to get through the meatball dinner without a hitch. It’s rather¬†amazing how well 8 ounces of V8 handle a seemingly ravenous appetite. I almost broke down around 10pm, with the skillet out and egg in my hand, but Matt made me feel bad about wanting to eat, so I gave up and went to bed. Good news is that Matt & I woke up about 2 pounds lighter. Thanks love. ūüėČ

More importantly, who is her sexy German husband?

I’m Team Angelina all the way. I like that she has about a hundred babies and once wanted a room covered with¬†Velcro. Her movies are mostly so-so… I blame the sucked-in jaw, pursed lip look that she’s known to do and the over-acted bad accents. (See The Tourist for the most recent example of this.) However, Salt was good. Really good.

It didn’t force you to wait until the end to find out “Who is Salt?” , causing you then to¬†metagame the whole movie and annoy your version of Matt in the process. And since it pretty much told us everything in the first 20 minutes, we are later¬†surprised¬†and excited when the twists do happen. We got some real emotions from her, like the ever-rare look of happiness. Is that … a smile?!? Why I do believe it is. What was even more refreshing was Jolie’s normal voice. When I heard it, I wondered why anyone agreed to let her speak with any other accent. It’s not like Alexander would have been any worse with Jolie’s natural husky timbre instead of that god-awful accent she chose. Anyhow, moving on! The make-up effects were especially fun, ranging from “totally a dye job Barbie blond” to “Jessica Alba” to “typical bad-ass Jolie” to “kind of gross dude with a nasty hair cut” to¬†“grown-up and pissed off Shiloh”. The only real negative (aside from the part where she steals a hat and then suddenly is dressed in full clich√© Russian attire — because all Russians who grew up in the US wear fur hats whenever they can) is the fact that she looks like a weakling most of the time. They talk about how much she was working out for the part, especially after having twins, but I saw no post-pregnancy glow, no milk-boobies, or¬†lustrous¬†skin and hair. She looked like she was working out for a concentration camp movie. Where’s the Tomb Raider bod? Even¬†sinuous-y¬†Madonna looks stronger that Salt. And it got in the way of the fast-paced story line. How does someone whose body ate all of her muscles out run a team of fit CIA and a¬†squad¬†of cop cars? I know she gets caught in the end, but it was quite an impressive chase. I wouldn’t have made it through the subway. And you can tell that she’s running sloooooow, her bones rattling away beneath her ashen skin. So that was disappointing. Kind of like when Jason Borne had put on a few pounds, lost a few muscles, but still had¬†lightening¬†quick reflexes and defeats 10 guys without stopping to breathe. At lease Salt showed us that getting grazed with a bullet does hurt.

Anyhow. All in all, a good movie that I enjoyed very much. So much that I even stopped trying to finish my taxes!

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My Fabulous Two-Day Fast

Well sort of….

Saturday started out great. I was down 3.8 pounds from the day before and not feeling too bad. I drank a giant thing of water, made the boys breakfast, and kept busy all morning until it was time to meet up with Matt’s old work-mate, Joyce, and her sister, for brunch at EAT. I read about this place on Yelp and it had pretty positive reviews. I thought it would be a better place to go than Denny’s or Ihop. According to Matt, I was right. His veggie burger tasted special, in a good way, and everyone else cleaned their plates. I wouldn’t know for certain, because I stuck with coffee (2 cups, 5 creams, 3 sugars) and tomato juice — which was surprisingly good and salty. I had no cravings to eat the kids’ powdered sugar dusted pancakes or the exotic and delicious looking bowl of fruit. I felt pretty good. This fast would be easy.

WRONG.

We get home. I feel hungry. Or rather, I feel the desire to chew some food. Instead I do laundry and go to Costco. Costco samples are in full effect and I manage to avoid them all thanks to the Jose’s flavored coffee samples (all delicious, especially the Nutty Doodle!) Matt buys a case of V8 as he wants to start the “no-food fast” with me tomorrow. Of course by now, I don’t know if I am going to make it.

I drink water. I drink as much vegetable juice as I can tolerate. (Note: vegetable juice is not as good as tomato juice… IMHO.) The hunger subsides… for a while. I make dinner which only Mylo ate. The chicken looks so good. I wrap it all up and put it away then spend the rest of the night looking at celebrity babies.

I am hungry!

Boy’s go to bed, I drink more water, I “exercise” with Matt (heheh) and still…. HUNGRY!! Where is that will power? I don’t know… it took off to have dinner I guess. Finally I decide that I am going to eat. But what? I’m entering dangerous territory. There is left over ground beef. But it would be gross to eat alone. I’d need a tortilla, beans, cheese, tomatoes…. I decide on a veggie patty since it takes 25 minutes to broil from grossness into goodness. My mouth is watering, for reals. My heart is racing, I can see it pulsing beneath my chest. Finally!! It’s done. Mustard! I eat, eat, eat…. and then stop. Oh I am full…. and there is about a 1/4th patty left. Interesting…. normally these don’t make me full. Or maybe they did and I just never paid attention because there was all kinds of other crap in my digestive tract.

I am not sure if I will make it a third day, but when I weighed myself, I was down another .6 pounds so I will give it a go. Like I said yesterday, worst case¬†scenario¬†is that I eat. Best case¬†scenario¬†is that maybe I won’t.

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