I’m Fat.

If I lost 40 pounds I could talk shit about everyone.

I tried to blame the new baby on why I’m still wearing gigantic Walmart underwear, but my sister reminded me that he’s almost 7 months old and so it’s probably the wine and microwave popcorn.

Damned Homestyle. What does that even mean? Absolutely no popcorn that I have made at home has EVER tasted like Pop-secret Home style popcorn. That ficking shit is awesome. Especially with the Walmart jalapeno cheese powder. A laboratory symphony.

My son doesn’t eat McDonald’s ever since we told him about the chemicals and chicken toes in the nuggets. (Ever get a chewy bit? TOES!) But sometimes I’ve had enough of this world (and dishes) and I need a quick dinner.

Me: Do you guys want McDonalds?

Kid: No.

Me: What about KFC?

Kid: Does it have chemicals?

Me: ….

….

….

 

Um, no.

Kid: Ok, I want chicken and french fries.

 

God, I am a horrible parent.

 

Giving in to Social Media

I’ve been mad at Facebook for a long time, but I finally enabled my timeline and got my blog to re-sync.

I think it has to do more with Mark Zuckerberg’s I’m-a-hip-yet-nerdy-cool-youthful-billionaire-hate-able face combined with that movie, The Social Network (which kind of ruined Jesse Eisenberg for me too… and on a side note: I am really getting sick of this nerds are cool thing. Nerds aren’t cool. They don’t wear gray skinny jeans. They don’t get the girl. Nerds are uncool. That’s why they are nerds. )

Anyhow. Hating facebook, et al. Wishing they had made a movie about Google so I could properly hate on them for not paying their taxes and making employees feel bad about drinking cokes by putting a red line under where they offer them up for free.

I also updated my twitter account if only to have a variety of profile photos.

Time to shift my hating towards the racist North Hollywood Target. “Come buy our crap, working people. But let me check your receipt on the way out.”

F&*$ you, dude. If you wanted to know if I paid for this $64 tricycle that I should have stolen, then you should have been around to help me while I was lugging it out of my cart because the cashier was too lazy. This isn’t Costco, you’re not counting my items. See-ya.

I Only Say These Words…

So this started out because Matt & I were arguing over something about whether Fur Elise was in  tempo. It went from there to student loan debt (which I have a lot of) to a new baby Bazel crying to listening to the stuff we wrote together (really good except for how nasally I sound) to listening to the song Matt wrote me after our second date.

I played that song for my dad and he was like… “This song is not about you.”

It was radio quality… but it’s like a fat girl hearing a song on the radio and like the guy who’s trying to bang her behind the shed sings a line or two in her ear to get her pannies off and then she’s all “This song is for me!’

And my embarrassed Dad is all… “Um, honey, you have an extremely common name…” All the while she is insisting that this song is for HER.

That song was for me. Three terrible babies later.

 

$5 Merlot + deep french kiss + pre-made bottle = Husband will feed baby at 11:39pm so you can write blog post and edit book that should have been finished years ago.

Hooray for falling back!

Three days in and already my writing has fallen behind. Was feeling kind of bummed out yesterday due to an unhealthy combo of too much Scramble and Hanging with friends (and strangers) and too many My Little Pony episodes.

Today, tho, I got some focus time (thanks love!) and got grooving. Not only did I meet my 3 day quota of 5,000 words, I also finished tomorrow’s count.

Plus I got an extra hour!! Bonus!! Now time to sleeep! I don’t think Mylo knows about falling back. I have a feeling it’s going to be an early morning.

It’s that time again…

National Novel Writing Month! Yay!

What I love most about Nanowrimo is that you are forced to write. Every day. It’s a great way to get my creative juices flowing. My vocabulary grows as does my ability to put together a better novel. Last year I wrote something that if I read it now, would probably make me cringe in some places. But a story is there. With a beginning, a middle, and an end. And it got me working on my next novel which I’m still editing (uuuugh — it will be nice to put that on hold for a while!) and gave me the inspiration for the novel I hope to write this month.

Just like last year, I’ll be posting my word count daily. I’ve also dedicated this month to reading 15 books. 15 NEW books. Sorry old lovely books. Right now I’m reading the Green Mile. I figured I should read some Stephen King, but didn’t want to read anything that would give me nightmares.  

Jessielah

 

The Creeps

Today I went to see the doctor about my lower back pain and the numbness in my foot. It seemed rather routine.

She took my blood pressure, told me to stop drinking coffee and try celery juice instead, gave me a prescription and some exercise routines, and then as we were wrapping up, she asked me what my husband did and what I did before becoming a stay-home parent.

Oh, I sang opera.

My doctor gets very excited and starts telling me about another opera sining patient of hers who sings with the Symphony. And then she asks me to sing for her. Just a few bars.

Um… okay… I don’t know why I said yes. Maybe because she reminded me of my old Belarusian roommate.

It was too late to lie my way out and avoid the stares from the waiting room on the way out. So I sang a few bars and she starts crying. Tearing up. Gushing and giving me career advice. Ugh. I hate career advice. If I wanted to sing, I’d be singing.

But I smiled and nodded while plotting my escape as graciously as possible.

Whew. Weird.

And then about 5pm my phone rings. 858… Is it my Dad? I answer. Sounds like Marilu.

Hi Jessica, it’s Dr. Foreign-Last-Name. I have two tickets to the symphony tonight and it’s a choral … If you would like to go?

What!?!? Why did I answer the phone?!?

The worst part is that I FELT BAD for saying I had other plans (which I did).

Organizing My Thoughts

Now that my story is growing at an alarming rate, I’m taking a moment to organize everything with a story board!!

I got the idea from the Simpson’s when Bart puts together a team to write a book.

Before, I’d been trying to keep everything organized in a document, which grew so big I could barely find anything.

Storyboarding also allows me to analyze each scene and make sure it’s important/relevant to the plot.

Only two more chapters (and a shitload of fine-tooth comb editing) before I’m done!!! Whooooo!!

Giving in to Social Media.

I’ve been mad at Facebook for a long time, but I finally enabled my timeline and got my blog to re-sync.

I think it has to do more with Mark Zuckerberg’s I’m-a-hip-yet-nerdy-cool-youthful-billionaire-hate-able face combined with that movie, The Social Network (which kind of ruined Jesse Eisenberg for me too…)

On a side note: < rant> I am really getting sick of this nerds are cool thing. Nerds aren’t cool. They don’t wear gray skinny jeans. They don’t get the girl. Nerds are uncool. That’s why they are nerds. < /rant>

Anyhow. Hating Facebook, et al. Wishing they had made a movie about Google so I could properly hate on them for not paying their taxes and making employees feel bad about drinking cokes by putting a red line on their shelf in the fridge where they’re offered up for free.

I also updated my Twitter account if only to have a variety of profile photos.

Time to shift my hating towards the racist North Hollywood Target. “Come buy our crap, working people. But let me check your receipt on the way out.”

F&*$ you, dude. If you wanted to know if I paid for this $64 tricycle that I should have stolen, then you should have been around to help me while I was lugging it out of my cart because the cashier was too lazy move from behind the register. This isn’t Costco, you’re not counting my items. See-ya.

Pedal to the Metal

Awwwhh yeahhh!!!!! Things are moving along much faster than I anticipated! I should be done with a (very) rough manuscript this weekend – just in time for the break!! So exciting!

Limited Vocabulary

Much like the time I discovered why Calculus was important, I am now realizing why a comprehensive vocabulary is important.

Yesterday I used the word uningnorable. Doubleplusgood is only a hop, skip, and a page turn away. Sigh. Guess it’s time to invest in a thesaurus… and maybe one of those new-word-a-day calendars.