Jessielah!

adventures in awesomeness…

Juicy Salt

I’m half way through my 3-day Juice Fast — or cleanse, what ever sounds sexier. Yesterday was mostly good. I almost broke down while opening a brand-new ultra fresh package of lightly sweetened Multi-Grain Cheerios, but managed to get through the meatball dinner without a hitch. It’s rather¬†amazing how well 8 ounces of V8 handle a seemingly ravenous appetite. I almost broke down around 10pm, with the skillet out and egg in my hand, but Matt made me feel bad about wanting to eat, so I gave up and went to bed. Good news is that Matt & I woke up about 2 pounds lighter. Thanks love. ūüėČ

More importantly, who is her sexy German husband?

I’m Team Angelina all the way. I like that she has about a hundred babies and once wanted a room covered with¬†Velcro. Her movies are mostly so-so… I blame the sucked-in jaw, pursed lip look that she’s known to do and the over-acted bad accents. (See The Tourist for the most recent example of this.) However, Salt was good. Really good.

It didn’t force you to wait until the end to find out “Who is Salt?” , causing you then to¬†metagame the whole movie and annoy your version of Matt in the process. And since it pretty much told us everything in the first 20 minutes, we are later¬†surprised¬†and excited when the twists do happen. We got some real emotions from her, like the ever-rare look of happiness. Is that … a smile?!? Why I do believe it is. What was even more refreshing was Jolie’s normal voice. When I heard it, I wondered why anyone agreed to let her speak with any other accent. It’s not like Alexander would have been any worse with Jolie’s natural husky timbre instead of that god-awful accent she chose. Anyhow, moving on! The make-up effects were especially fun, ranging from “totally a dye job Barbie blond” to “Jessica Alba” to “typical bad-ass Jolie” to “kind of gross dude with a nasty hair cut” to¬†“grown-up and pissed off Shiloh”. The only real negative (aside from the part where she steals a hat and then suddenly is dressed in full clich√© Russian attire — because all Russians who grew up in the US wear fur hats whenever they can) is the fact that she looks like a weakling most of the time. They talk about how much she was working out for the part, especially after having twins, but I saw no post-pregnancy glow, no milk-boobies, or¬†lustrous¬†skin and hair. She looked like she was working out for a concentration camp movie. Where’s the Tomb Raider bod? Even¬†sinuous-y¬†Madonna looks stronger that Salt. And it got in the way of the fast-paced story line. How does someone whose body ate all of her muscles out run a team of fit CIA and a¬†squad¬†of cop cars? I know she gets caught in the end, but it was quite an impressive chase. I wouldn’t have made it through the subway. And you can tell that she’s running sloooooow, her bones rattling away beneath her ashen skin. So that was disappointing. Kind of like when Jason Borne had put on a few pounds, lost a few muscles, but still had¬†lightening¬†quick reflexes and defeats 10 guys without stopping to breathe. At lease Salt showed us that getting grazed with a bullet does hurt.

Anyhow. All in all, a good movie that I enjoyed very much. So much that I even stopped trying to finish my taxes!

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Wanted… Good Until the End

So I finally got a few minutes to myself and I should have taken a nap, but instead I decided to watch Wanted. I think James McAvoy is the Scottish version of Matt (hehe) and I like Angelina Jolie (so glad she wasn’t scowling the ENTIRE movie — she’s so much more likable when she’s got a smile on her face).

Anyhow… instantly drawn in to the character of Wesley Gibson… of course, they should have made the Google websearch of his name a bit more realistic. I mean… no searches found? He didn’t even have his name in quotes. It would have been better if they said: Wesley Gibson.. do you mean Warner Gabbon? or something of that nature, you know, when you spell things wrong in Google.

I thought it would be TOTALLY cheesy and make me feel embarrassed for the characters, but overall it wasn’t bad. McAvoy’s American accent was good and I think the role of Fox was originally written for a man because there was this male bonding thing going on…either that or the leads had NO chemistry. But I like that there was not a lot of romance. Bleck. Like a bad ass like her would be attracted to a little shrimpie like him. I mean… even my husband was a hot and sexy bad ass rocker/artist type when I met him (little did I know that his favorite store was Target!)

However, the last line in the movie ruined everything. Wesley looking in the camera saying “What the fuck have you done today?”

I was almost angry. I was like, uh, I just wrestled two babies (one VERY much in need of a nap) to crowded ass Kaiser. I just stayed up all night feeding a crying gassy baby. I just cleaned an entire house. That’s what the fuck I’ve done today. In your face Wesley Gibson.

I do like that song “Bad things come in Twos” My boys!!

Aahahaha!! Jaxon’s awake. Ciao belli!

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