So most people brag about “getting some”. I get to brag about giving some. To Ruby. In the Ross handicap dressing room. She loved it. This is how it went down:
We went to Ross looking for a new dog dish, because Mylo broke the last one (sigh). I got hung up on $8 swim suits and blue jeans so we ended up dog piled in the handicap dressing room. I was trying on clothes, Ruby was texting and wrangling babies, and the babies were eating things and causing general chaos. I tried on a bunch of suits. They needed to have a tie on the sides because I puddle around the middle. If the bottoms are too tight then its like roll city, but if the bottoms are too big then everyone will get a big old wad of va-jay when I get smacked by the first big wave. So nothing really worked (I guess that’s what I get for trying to buy an $8 suit). I’m getting dressed, Ruby is texting and keeping the boys from eating size tags, and the boys are causing general chaos when something sticks to my hand. Without thinking I slapped it on Ruby’s hand and said “Happy Birthday, here’s some vagina.” Ruby looked down stunned. There was a bathing suit pantyliner stuck to the back of her hand. She screamed. Ruby tried to shake it off, I laughed uncontrollably and the kids were all over the place, still eating stuff and still causing general chaos. I told Ruby that I didn’t use that panty liner, which made her (understandably) more upset. Strange Vagina. Nice. And she was worried about the boys eating size tags and getting germs. Hehehe.
And since I have nothing more to blog about (there is a spoon with ice cream on it calling my name slow-dancing with a half finished glass of wine), I will leave you with a bunch of pictures Ruby took.
Man, it’s good to be back in SF.