Jessielah!

adventures in awesomeness…

It’s Summertime!

Summer. Shorts, flip flops, tan skin, and the beach. Don’t forget the sun, the glorious sun!

As I’m singing the praise of my favorite season, Jaxon states matter-of-factly that it is NOT summer because the sun has no sunglasses on. I guffawed.

Bottom Line: Three year olds have an awesome view of how the world should be. Glasses or not, it’s summertime! Time to sit back and unwind (time to sit back and unwind…)

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Jessielah Gets Her Hair Did!

Some days, if I’m lucky, I run a brush, too much styling product, and a curling iron through my hair and it looks like this:

What is up with those bangs?!

But most days (i.e., almost every day) it looks something like this:

Bangs Gone Wild. That’s why I look that way.

I’ve been on this whole “taking better care of myself” kick and decided that getting my hair done by a professional was in order. The last time I went to a real salon (not counting Uncle Richard who gave me a trim last, last October) was June of 2007. That was almost 4 years ago. I’m a little overdue.

My biggest problem has been finding a place that can do MY hair (black, mixed, relaxed, textured hair WITH trendy bangs) where I feel comfortable, where they do a good job, and where they don’t charge me $120 to cut an upside down V at the nape of my neck. I hit the internet (as I have no friends in the know RE: LA hair) and stumbled upon a Yelper who did reviews for a bunch of different salons.

And that’s how I found Lesa Marie at Women of Color Salon. I LOVE-LOVE-LOVE that she had a website with photos and prices. I saw the exact hair style I wanted. Yay! And what is this? I can schedule my appointment …. online? And there is a Saturday availability? Shut yo mouf! Whoo! Since I had relaxed the top half of my hair back in Jan / Feb and it didn’t seem too overgrown, I booked a Press & curl with a Deep Condition and trim.

A breezy 30 minute drive took me to downtown Inglewood – and past the famous donut sign!

Don’t get a divorce, get a donut! Wait, that’s not right…

I arrived a few minutes before my appointment parked out front in the meters. My only gripe is that the machines take quarters only… or credit cards. Wtf? I popped in all the quarters I had and hoped I’d be out in enough time.

After a warm greeting, wash, condition, and dry by Lesa Marie’s assistant (and online guru) I was sent to the private booth (complete with television and totally addicting Lifetime movie) where Lesa Marie spent AT LEAST one and a half hours trimming and pressing and pressing and pressing and pressing my hair from a hurrah’s nest to silky magic!

My hair after Lesa Marie’s magic hot-comb hands!

So long, so silky, so all mine!!!!

It was fabulous. Fab. U. Lous. I felt like a million bucks. I couldn’t stop touching it. You would have thought I was in a Timotei commercial.

Swangin’ !!!!

She told me that if I pressed it every few weeks that I wouldn’t have to use a chemical relaxer anymore (Huzzah! Good bye gloopy mess.) and could have straight and natural hair. Whoo! And then I got to go on an impromptu hair photo shoot. Talk about glamorous!

Bottom Line: Three hours … no ticket and hair that is Damned Sexah!

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I Wonder…

…why all character ethnic/minority actors have to over emphasize the last few words of their dialog? “I don’t know what you got yourself into but you ARE PARTICIPATING!”

The thought-provoking line from this guy…

Dave’s (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) college roommate whose name escapes me… probably because he didn’t matter much and could have been a blue CGI chinchilla.

Anyhow…

Carrot Top is hawt.

So, if the US decides to switch to a gold standard but there is not enough gold to cover the current US currency, what will happen to everyone’s money? Will it would take a shit-ton of dollars to buy one gold dollar and everyone’s savings would be reduced to pennies, or less?

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Juicy Salt

I’m half way through my 3-day Juice Fast — or cleanse, what ever sounds sexier. Yesterday was mostly good. I almost broke down while opening a brand-new ultra fresh package of lightly sweetened Multi-Grain Cheerios, but managed to get through the meatball dinner without a hitch. It’s rather amazing how well 8 ounces of V8 handle a seemingly ravenous appetite. I almost broke down around 10pm, with the skillet out and egg in my hand, but Matt made me feel bad about wanting to eat, so I gave up and went to bed. Good news is that Matt & I woke up about 2 pounds lighter. Thanks love. 😉

More importantly, who is her sexy German husband?

I’m Team Angelina all the way. I like that she has about a hundred babies and once wanted a room covered with Velcro. Her movies are mostly so-so… I blame the sucked-in jaw, pursed lip look that she’s known to do and the over-acted bad accents. (See The Tourist for the most recent example of this.) However, Salt was good. Really good.

It didn’t force you to wait until the end to find out “Who is Salt?” , causing you then to metagame the whole movie and annoy your version of Matt in the process. And since it pretty much told us everything in the first 20 minutes, we are later surprised and excited when the twists do happen. We got some real emotions from her, like the ever-rare look of happiness. Is that … a smile?!? Why I do believe it is. What was even more refreshing was Jolie’s normal voice. When I heard it, I wondered why anyone agreed to let her speak with any other accent. It’s not like Alexander would have been any worse with Jolie’s natural husky timbre instead of that god-awful accent she chose. Anyhow, moving on! The make-up effects were especially fun, ranging from “totally a dye job Barbie blond” to “Jessica Alba” to “typical bad-ass Jolie” to “kind of gross dude with a nasty hair cut” to “grown-up and pissed off Shiloh”. The only real negative (aside from the part where she steals a hat and then suddenly is dressed in full cliché Russian attire — because all Russians who grew up in the US wear fur hats whenever they can) is the fact that she looks like a weakling most of the time. They talk about how much she was working out for the part, especially after having twins, but I saw no post-pregnancy glow, no milk-boobies, or lustrous skin and hair. She looked like she was working out for a concentration camp movie. Where’s the Tomb Raider bod? Even sinuous-y Madonna looks stronger that Salt. And it got in the way of the fast-paced story line. How does someone whose body ate all of her muscles out run a team of fit CIA and a squad of cop cars? I know she gets caught in the end, but it was quite an impressive chase. I wouldn’t have made it through the subway. And you can tell that she’s running sloooooow, her bones rattling away beneath her ashen skin. So that was disappointing. Kind of like when Jason Borne had put on a few pounds, lost a few muscles, but still had lightening quick reflexes and defeats 10 guys without stopping to breathe. At lease Salt showed us that getting grazed with a bullet does hurt.

Anyhow. All in all, a good movie that I enjoyed very much. So much that I even stopped trying to finish my taxes!

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That Was Intense!

Repo Man’s always intense.

I didn’t know Snoop Dogg was in this Movie… (points? please!)

Now the irony has not been lost on me that after 12 days of Christmas Cookies, my latest series has been all about trying to fast. However, after such an extravagant indulgence, it’s probably best for my body to get a break from all the crap and detoxify and drop some el-bees.

Got my blood test results back and the good news is that my vitamin D is up to a normal range, my good cholesterol (HDL) is slightly up while my bad cholesterol (LDL) is down, and my B12 is looking good still. Bad news is that I still have a major iron deficiency despite cooking everything in a cast iron skillet and taking supplements as often as I can remember them. Boo.

Anyhow, I’m doing better in a few areas, except that I need to make another 6 pounds disappear before I go into to see the Dr. (I need my annual hug, damnit!) So I’m doing the 3-day Juice fast with Matt.

Basically we can have unlimited juices (fruit & vegetable), water, and herbal tea. The juice gives your body energy to load the dishwasher, build trains, and break up fights. Also, I plan to give up body building for the three days, so the lo-cal-ness should be fine.

Expect lots of whining and complaining … and well general Jessielah-ness.

It’s V8 time, yeah!!

 

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My Fabulous Three Day Fast

… ended at 1:08pm PST.

My imagination differs only slightly from the reality…

I drank water for breakfast. Then half a cup of V8 (which is just so, SO gross). Then I took out the frying pan to make eggs. Just wait till Matt gets up, I thought to myself, hoping he could help me with my “will power”. I try to keep myself busy, but by 10:30am, I decided Matt needed to wake up. I threw open the door, slammed my elbows into the palm of my hand, and with a wild yell, I charged from the hallway to the bedroom and sprang into the bed like a lioness on a gazelle. He did not like that so much. But, he got up. =)

After sucking down a cup of coffee, we enjoy the gorgeous No-Ho weather with an hour-long bike ride. Everything smells like calories. Chew-able calories. We get home and I break down. Activia Yogurt, because, well, I need to poop. Still hungry. Start cooking veggie patty. Taking too long! Cold canned green beans. Ah… slowly… feeling… normal.

With the fast officially over, I have a hearty dinner of beans, cheese, a tortilla, a veggie patty, oranges and blueberries. At 630 calories, it was more than I had consumed in the two prior days, but I had no guilt about any of it. I was too busy eating.

When I got up this morning I had fully planned to eat breakfast, but when I stepped on the scale, I was down 2.7 pounds which has given me the motivation to try to go another day. It’s not really “fasting” at this point, because there was only one day that I didn’t actually eat anything, and on no days did I not consume any calories, but it’s nice to have a stomach that isn’t carrying around a second trimester food baby.

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My Fabulous Two-Day Fast

Well sort of….

Saturday started out great. I was down 3.8 pounds from the day before and not feeling too bad. I drank a giant thing of water, made the boys breakfast, and kept busy all morning until it was time to meet up with Matt’s old work-mate, Joyce, and her sister, for brunch at EAT. I read about this place on Yelp and it had pretty positive reviews. I thought it would be a better place to go than Denny’s or Ihop. According to Matt, I was right. His veggie burger tasted special, in a good way, and everyone else cleaned their plates. I wouldn’t know for certain, because I stuck with coffee (2 cups, 5 creams, 3 sugars) and tomato juice — which was surprisingly good and salty. I had no cravings to eat the kids’ powdered sugar dusted pancakes or the exotic and delicious looking bowl of fruit. I felt pretty good. This fast would be easy.

WRONG.

We get home. I feel hungry. Or rather, I feel the desire to chew some food. Instead I do laundry and go to Costco. Costco samples are in full effect and I manage to avoid them all thanks to the Jose’s flavored coffee samples (all delicious, especially the Nutty Doodle!) Matt buys a case of V8 as he wants to start the “no-food fast” with me tomorrow. Of course by now, I don’t know if I am going to make it.

I drink water. I drink as much vegetable juice as I can tolerate. (Note: vegetable juice is not as good as tomato juice… IMHO.) The hunger subsides… for a while. I make dinner which only Mylo ate. The chicken looks so good. I wrap it all up and put it away then spend the rest of the night looking at celebrity babies.

I am hungry!

Boy’s go to bed, I drink more water, I “exercise” with Matt (heheh) and still…. HUNGRY!! Where is that will power? I don’t know… it took off to have dinner I guess. Finally I decide that I am going to eat. But what? I’m entering dangerous territory. There is left over ground beef. But it would be gross to eat alone. I’d need a tortilla, beans, cheese, tomatoes…. I decide on a veggie patty since it takes 25 minutes to broil from grossness into goodness. My mouth is watering, for reals. My heart is racing, I can see it pulsing beneath my chest. Finally!! It’s done. Mustard! I eat, eat, eat…. and then stop. Oh I am full…. and there is about a 1/4th patty left. Interesting…. normally these don’t make me full. Or maybe they did and I just never paid attention because there was all kinds of other crap in my digestive tract.

I am not sure if I will make it a third day, but when I weighed myself, I was down another .6 pounds so I will give it a go. Like I said yesterday, worst case scenario is that I eat. Best case scenario is that maybe I won’t.

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My Fabulous One Day Fast

It all started with blood work.

I had labs ordered back in November 2010 and was required to fast 12 hours prior to having the work done. Obviously, you’re supposed to stop eating at 8, sleep, and then get your ass to the hospital before breakfast. I don’t know why this was so hard for me to do, but it was. A month passed. No labs. I got a reminder letter. No labs. We sailed into the new year. No labs. Then I crashed, leading to major depression and poking Matt in the hand with an eye-glass screw-driver. Friday morning I was determined to make myself smile as much as possible to force the depression out.  And then I got on the scale. Up another pound. UUUUGGGHHHHH!!! (I guess that is what I get for eating the box of Cheez-Its while trying to get Mario through the star-level instead of, you know, going outside and enjoying the 78 degree weather.) So, I decided to not eat breakfast. I got dressed and drove down to Sunset to get my blood drawn.

8 vials later….

I get home, take a handful of vitamins and decide… well, I’m not that hungry. I’ll have some coffee. I clean, we go to the park., the boys have lunch. I think… well, I’m not that hungry. I’ll have some water. We hand over the keys to the Yaris (whoo!), I tell a funny story, do some more cleaning, then watch Thomas with Jaxon as Mylo naps. I’m still not that hungry. I make dinner for the boys and have some apple juice.

Sayonara to artificial orange food.

Three hours later, the hunger sets in. I am hungry. I am very hungry. And this is when I make the conscious decision to fast. Now, I am not doing a full-on no-calories fast. I took my vitamins with juice and had two iced coffees. This is just a no food fast to get all the Cheez-its and cranberry orange scones out. I turn off the kitchen lights, tuck the boys into bed, and lock myself away in the room. The hunger goes away as I start planning for my vacation. And then around 9pm, I pooped. So strange. Who poops at night? I always go in the morning, every morning, like clockwork. I’m fascinated and feeling really in control. Now it’s not about not being hungry or being too lazy to cook anything. It’s my will power. I found it somewhere while looking for the power cord to my laptop. Yay! I go to sleep feeling better than I have all week.

This morning I woke up and weighed myself. 159! Down 3.8 pounds! Whooo! Now I know that I did not burn 13,300 calories yesterday. There are day-to-day fluctuations, plus I no longer have the old misery weighing me down, but I’m motivated to try a second day. Maybe I’ll succeed… maybe I’ll give into the breakfast at EAT. Worst case scenario: I did enough to burn off the box of Cheez-its. Best case scenario: I have another night poop!!

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What is a Winter?

It’s January 15th. It’s 74 degrees. Jaxon and I are lounging in the sunlight that is streaming through the windows as Jessielah radio plays on Pandora. I feel almost too good. I throw my hands in the air and floor dance too Mr. Brightside as that cheeky little tank engine chugs under the tunnel that my knees have created. Slightly uncomfortable with the amount of good that is flowing through my veins, I decide that I must do something. I need to create and expel this pent-up exuberance.

Chapter One complete. Taxes started. Car sold. Dance party in full-effect.

Who would have thought that sunlight and happiness were such powerful drugs?

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Little Blue Strip

First off, fucking cheers re: the decision to overturn Prop 8!!  Now if we only had a babysitter (or a job) we’d be out partying it up in WeHo. And while Thursday is usually reason enough to drink, overturning discriminatory laws make the Miller High Life that much sweeter. I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of this, God, or magic underwear Jesus spaceships, but today is a good day for celebrating what we’ve got.

However. It’s a bad day for Maxi Pads.

My arch nemesis… the little blue strip.

You piece of shit marketing ploy. Why are you even in my underwear?!? You don’t work! Are you simply there for decoration? Is red and white not enough color splash for you? Is the blue supposed to be soothing and calming? Are you trying to highlight where all the menses is NOT going??? And why the eff is there anything down there anyways?

And the commercials… the COMMERCIALS! Who has ever had blood that just pours out of you like milk into a cup?? What the fucking fuck?!? I know it sometimes feels like that. And I know some of you may imagine that it comes out like a cascading water fall, complete with Daniel Day Lewis diving into the pool below (I will find yooouuu!), but it’s not. Unless you are wearing that cup thing and for Friday-Night-Fun you pour it out onto a maxi pad before disposing of it.

Wow. And this post just became TMI. Not that I have a cup or do anything fun on Friday nights, but I’m sure you’re either cringing in horror or laughing at someone who is right about now.

Bottom Line: Eff you, little blue strip. Spoon sucks. The Bravery rule. Eat it, Britt Daniels.

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