Jessielah!

adventures in awesomeness…

Juicy Salt

on January 27, 2011

I’m half way through my 3-day Juice Fast — or cleanse, what ever sounds sexier. Yesterday was mostly good. I almost broke down while opening a brand-new ultra fresh package of lightly sweetened Multi-Grain Cheerios, but managed to get through the meatball dinner without a hitch. It’s rather amazing how well 8 ounces of V8 handle a seemingly ravenous appetite. I almost broke down around 10pm, with the skillet out and egg in my hand, but Matt made me feel bad about wanting to eat, so I gave up and went to bed. Good news is that Matt & I woke up about 2 pounds lighter. Thanks love. 😉

More importantly, who is her sexy German husband?

I’m Team Angelina all the way. I like that she has about a hundred babies and once wanted a room covered with Velcro. Her movies are mostly so-so… I blame the sucked-in jaw, pursed lip look that she’s known to do and the over-acted bad accents. (See The Tourist for the most recent example of this.) However, Salt was good. Really good.

It didn’t force you to wait until the end to find out “Who is Salt?” , causing you then to metagame the whole movie and annoy your version of Matt in the process. And since it pretty much told us everything in the first 20 minutes, we are later surprised and excited when the twists do happen. We got some real emotions from her, like the ever-rare look of happiness. Is that … a smile?!? Why I do believe it is. What was even more refreshing was Jolie’s normal voice. When I heard it, I wondered why anyone agreed to let her speak with any other accent. It’s not like Alexander would have been any worse with Jolie’s natural husky timbre instead of that god-awful accent she chose. Anyhow, moving on! The make-up effects were especially fun, ranging from “totally a dye job Barbie blond” to “Jessica Alba” to “typical bad-ass Jolie” to “kind of gross dude with a nasty hair cut” to “grown-up and pissed off Shiloh”. The only real negative (aside from the part where she steals a hat and then suddenly is dressed in full cliché Russian attire — because all Russians who grew up in the US wear fur hats whenever they can) is the fact that she looks like a weakling most of the time. They talk about how much she was working out for the part, especially after having twins, but I saw no post-pregnancy glow, no milk-boobies, or lustrous skin and hair. She looked like she was working out for a concentration camp movie. Where’s the Tomb Raider bod? Even sinuous-y Madonna looks stronger that Salt. And it got in the way of the fast-paced story line. How does someone whose body ate all of her muscles out run a team of fit CIA and a squad of cop cars? I know she gets caught in the end, but it was quite an impressive chase. I wouldn’t have made it through the subway. And you can tell that she’s running sloooooow, her bones rattling away beneath her ashen skin. So that was disappointing. Kind of like when Jason Borne had put on a few pounds, lost a few muscles, but still had lightening quick reflexes and defeats 10 guys without stopping to breathe. At lease Salt showed us that getting grazed with a bullet does hurt.

Anyhow. All in all, a good movie that I enjoyed very much. So much that I even stopped trying to finish my taxes!

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One response to “Juicy Salt

  1. sara says:

    haha. you know, I heard she did all her own stunts for that movie, which makes a bit of sense considering your issues with her skeletor body. I liked the movie, too, but mostly I think she’s given up on “acting” (ie pandering to the academy for a possible nod, though I thought she was great in Girl Interrupted) and has decided to sell to her market. That would be pubescent and 20-something MEN by the way, Jessie. Do they notice she’s a bag of bones when she’s jumping off buildings or are they concentrating on other body parts….? Hmmm…..

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