adventures in awesomeness…

Eff Tea. Real Americans Drink Coffee.

on October 13, 2010

Lots of it. Usually from overpriced coffee shops. Unless you’re broke and trying to diet. Like me. Friking scones.

This morning I want to shoot myself in the head as usual. Jaxon crawled in bed around 5am alternating between whining and whispering to watch Dora & Boots. As soon as he fell asleep (sideways so that I have NO room and am cramped between him and Matt) Mylo runs into the room yelling and throwing things at my face. Thanks to my ninja-like skills I am able to stealthily crawl from bed without waking anyone up. I wake up with some Foldgers (shove it, coffee snobs, Folgers is just as good as anything else once you’ve added enough Coffee Mate peppermint mocha to make the color look like me after a San Francisco summer) and remember that I am supposed to Zumba at 8:30. Damn. I really wanted to sit in my bathroom and watch Prince of Persia. Sidenote: I don’t care who said it was bad, I can’t get enough of Jake and his doggish grin. Mmmm.

By some miracle I make it out of the house with two fed, watered, teeth (and hair!) brushed boys and get to the gym. I don’t feel like Zumba-ing. Really, I don’t feel like having to salsa with a partner for THREE minutes while being forced to make uncomfortable small talk. The class would be awesome aside from that painful three minutes. So I hit the treadmill instead and pump up the Phoenix, grabbing a People magazine and the Time magazine because of the tea-cup on the cover. I don’t know what possessed me to read the Time Magazine first, but it not only took up my entire 50 minutes, it filled me with a rage so red that I almost wanted to join the Army and move up to the top, winning the heart of my troops, so I could then stage a military coup, bombard myself in the Oval Office, and fix our country. On second though, let’s join the Marines. Mmmm…. TJ. (That’s Tijuana for all of you not in the know.)

So, you ask, what could send me – a normally sane and level-headed girl (hah!) – into a spiraling case of the Mean Reds? (And not Holly Golightly’s Mean Reds, but Joanne from the office’s Mean Reds.)

The Tea Party-ists.

Now, let’s get things straight: people are mad. They are angry. Where before they had jobs to pay for their houses, a TV, car, and savings so that their kids could go to school – now, they have nothing. They are pissed. And they should be! BUT. They are wooed by phantoms behind the Tea Party. The people paying for the 400 buses to bus people from all over the US to hear Glenn Beck. The people paying for the costumes and for Christine O’Donnell’s primary elections. The people behind the “tea party” movement who are using fed-up Americans to dismantle the health care bill, social security, medicare, and what?? EDUCATION??? Yes. They want to get rid of the Department of Education. Are. You. SERIOUS!?!


No. By getting your BA (or BS for the scientific inclined) you are not guaranteed to get a job that will make you loved by millions. You probably won’t create the next Facebook. BUT. But… you will be able to THINK. FOR. YOURSELF. Like Dastan’s brother Tus in Prince of Persia, despite listening to your council, you will follow your heart. And the people behind the Tea Party wants to take that away from you. They want to dismantle the government and replace everything with privately run institutions. Private institutions that are beholden to its majority shareholders and not the American People (unless with your jobless, broke-ass, you buy into said private institution where you’ll own Nth percent and have 0 power.)Why would you want to vote away your power? The Tea Party wants to make Americans stupid so that they are easily manipulated and can take over. But we won’t be a Mexico. No. They will give you enough so that you can have your car, your 3 bedroom house, and your Victoria’s Secret bras… just enough so you don’t feel angry enough to revolt. And education? Google’s squiggly lines can help us with anything we don’t know.

And why would someone you haven’t spoken to in months (and didn’t have a real relationship to begin with) write you out of the blue? Yes, Neil. You’ve made the blog. And have perplexed me more that you will know.


3 responses to “Eff Tea. Real Americans Drink Coffee.

  1. sara says:

    Loved this post mostly because I could so relate to it. I read that article and I seriously think Glenn Beck is koo koo for coco puffs. tea party people are just of pissed off people getting together to complain. Theres nothing real different coming out of anyones mouths.

  2. kaitlin says:

    makes me want to drink alchoholic beverages

  3. Impressive article post on the blog, I share the same views. I wonder why this particular country totally does not think like me and additionally the web publication master 🙂

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