After chatting with a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while, I came to the conclusion that good = boring. The conversation started with your usual mindless chitchat, cleaning products, fingernail clippers, Mexico’s independence and what not. And while I can talk for days on end about my need (yes, it’s a need) for Pine Sol to make an air freshener or the wonderful terrors that are my children, eventually I began to wonder how long we’d spar back and forth before getting to the juicy stuff that I’d been speculating on for almost a week. And then, just as I was about to throw the conversation into second, the question arose on the other end: So how the heck are you?
Hmm, how was I? I thought about it. Aside from being poorer than I’d like to be and in need of a serious hair cut, I was good. Juuuuussst goooooooood. Bleck. YAAAWWWNN! Boring!! Where is the conversation in that?? (Unless anyone knows of a cheap stylist in the NoHo area… Then I’m all ears.)
And since I was “just good”, my friend now also had to be “just good.” Apparently, there is some unspoken rule that you must be in the same emotional life state as the person you are talking with. If they are happy, you’re happy (even when you’re not) and if they are in the dumps, you are permitted to discuss the low points in your own life, usually under the pretense that you’re offering some kind of pick-me-up advice. I never follow this rule because 1) it’s retarded and 2) I will almost never skip an opportunity to talk about myself (don’t you know it!) Anyhow, then we had this super-phoney, slightly-awkward, non-toe-stepping banter while we each waited for the other to make some excuse to escape the wreckage of what could have been an awesomely (!) interesting conversation.
So how does “good” manage to ruin great conversations? This isn’t the only conversation I’ve had that’s been stalled by good. I’m noticing a trend. Maybe I should to stop talking about the only four things I do in life: babies, beach, biking, and um, Jessielah crap. The weather? Who cares! Poo-poo in the potty? Old news! I’m taking up lying, say that life is hard again, that I was attacked by a praying mantis who stole my keys… something. Because now I just have to make something interesting up.
Bottom Line: Good gets you endless speculation and a sore throat.