Jessielah!

adventures in awesomeness…

Watchmen: A Movie Review

on July 9, 2010

Warning: Spoiler Alert. This movie was not good.

Tired of unpacking boxes of crap we don’t need, Matt and I decided to chill out and watch a movie. Watchmen! Now the only thing I knew about this movie was that it had an awesome trailer to the tune of Smashing Pumpkin’s The End is the Beginning is the End. Much like “Organic Marshmallow” I should have known that a trailer that relies solely on visuals and music means that the movie probably sucks. 5 minutes in I knew I was in for a shit-ride.

This movie had unlikeable characters and a confusing storyline that was muddled up by too much unnecessary background story, bad acting, conflicting character actions, and a distracting soundtrack. Firstly, only one actually has any special powers: Dr. Manhattan is this “supreme being” but dumps his girlfriend because she’s “getting old”. Nice. He believes that time is irrelevant but won’t date a woman over 30. Classic.

Then there is the Comedian, who isn’t even funny. He’s murdered 7 minutes into the movie and I am like, Good riddance. But then Rorschach, the only character with any bit of likability, goes to avenge him?!? Why? I thought Rorschach was all about punishing evil at all cost. The Comedian shot a pregnant woman in the stomach!?! WTF! Why do we care about him again? And if the Comedian is so jaded about the human existence, then why is he “fighting crime?” Why go to secret clubhouse costume meeting and then be a dick? Why not just be a bad guy or stay home and watch TV? Then we wouldn’t have to put up with your overuse of “my life is a joke” and your bad acting.

Speaking of bad acting, they couldn’t get a better actress for Silk Spectre II? Jesus. Did she think this was 27 Dresses part 2? Sigh… and her story took up so much of the movie. You didn’t know that the Comedian was your dad?!? I knew the Comedian was your dad the first time we saw the flash back and it wasn’t even my memory!

And then there is poor Night Owl II, who is the only one who gets no background at all. One line sums him up: a trust fund kid who didn’t want to be a banker. Oh and he has an ED problem that they barely mention (and no, the humor of that was not lost on us). So Impotent.

But let’s not forget the elephant in the room. The music. Sigh. Without bothering to look at the credits, I know that this movie either didn’t have a music editor or the music editor was a pussy, letting the director make and just let the director do his job and put in whatever song he wanted. The music is supposed to enhance what is happening in the movie, not pull us out of the movie and distract us from the struggling story line. I can just see the director… (in that really obnoxious, stoner douche-bag voice) “You know what would be mind blowing? If we put in some really awesome music that says what’s happening in the movie… in the lyrics. Whoa.” And then he high fives all his douche bag followers and tells himself that he is the shit.

Bottom Line: If I want to see visually stunning, I’ll look in the mirror.

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3 responses to “Watchmen: A Movie Review

  1. Ruby says:

    Oh god, Jessie. I laughed at the end. Out loud. Thank you, you clever lady, you. And I’ve never even heard of this movie, so definitely won’t be seeing it now. 🙂

  2. lizzie says:

    yes ill have to agree with ruby the end made me cover my mouth and laugh!!!

  3. sara says:

    Oh, I am sooo sorry I didn’t tell you earlier not to watch this movie. It was just AWFUL & I usually like even half-decent scifi movies. (Hal was super excited to hear about this movie when they were filming it & expected it to be just awe-inspiring.) I thought the “love” scene was the worst as a demonstration of what the music is or isn’t doing with regards to the storyline. (Glad you noticed that & commented upon it.) And I hated the ending; it was so futile & depressing. I did not even feel happy to have watched it. And that sappy actress? Who saw her in 27 dresses and said, “SHE’S the one we want to play this part.” Great post! 🙂

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